Sunday blogs - pet peeves at airports

I realized, while having just come back from tour, that 95% of my pet peeves that exist exist in airport settings. Why is it that so many people choose to be douchebags at the airport in particular? It truly never ceases to amaze me. It's like people become exceptionally comfortable and lack self awareness due to the fact that traveling is not the most comfortable of endeavors. Granted, I do understand this, especially when doing back-to-back traveling much like one does on tours. I personally never come to the airport with any makeup, wearing sweats, sneakers, and a giant cashmere sweater to make up for the fact that airplanes will never not make me freezing cold while I'm simply trying to enjoy Shrek 2 in the confines of my window seat. Or whatever. But there is still a level of decorum that is just thrown out the window the moment some folks step inside that fluorescent edifice. If you are one of the people that does the following things, consider this an intervention.

Without further ado, here is my full list of pet peeves at the airport.

(This is all in good fun and do not take this too seriously).

My first pet peeve is when people who are able bodied stand on a walkway. It's literally called a walk way. You're supposed to walk on it. It's not like you have to run, either. It is not a stand way. It was designed to expedite walking, not for you to stand on a platform to carry you a very trivial distance. And the funniest part is I've never seen anyone who is intensely overweight or out of shape do this. The standers are always perfectly in shape, and yet, walking for 30 feet is apparently too much to ask. It is the epitome of laziness. If you wanted to stand around, you might as well have ordered one of those mini cars that drive old folks around the airport. It's an airport for god's sake. You have to walk. And move your suitcase to the right side while you're at it so I don't have to just hover awkwardly behind you until you realize that not everybody stands on a walkway.

My second pet peeve is when people line up for boarding way early and just stand around, crowding the gate, anxious to get on a flight that they will literally already be sitting on for hours. You really want to get a jump on everyone in line...just so you can have extra time to sit down on the plane, which you're going to do for hours anyway? You know you can sit down right outside of the boarding area, right? You just end up clogging up the lines and making the boarding area a chaotic mess. Everyone gets all anxious from the amorphous blob of people standing, inching closer, waiting for their break to get on the plane. And these folks always get shooed away because they're in group D and wanted to board with group A cause they “didn't hear the boarding group called.” Why don't you literally just wait? It's one thing if you're worried about getting your spot for your overhead luggage, but unless you are literally dead last on the plane – a highly unlikely statistic, given that someone is always rushing last minute to their flight – there will be room for your stupid suitcase. Worst comes to worst – oh no! - they gate check your bag. One less thing to carry. Big whoop.

Similar to the above, I have a problem with people who stand up the minute the plane lands (if you clap when the plane lands, don't even talk to me). This, I've noticed, is a particular favorite of white people. You cannot possibly use stretching your legs as an excuse. There's no room to do that when everybody is getting up. You can't even retrieve your suitcase until people start deplaning cause there's no room. You literally can't do anything until the people in front of you deplane. So you have to stand? You can't just wait one second? Worried someone is gonna go in front of you and get a head start of a grand whole two seconds? It gives the same energy as people who cut you off when you're driving, and then you both end up back at the same intersection stopped. Like it did nothing and it made everyone irritated.

This next pet peeve is not about people at airports, but just airports in general. The markup price relative to the quality of food at airports is just absolutely atrocious. (Note: this is specific to American airports. Quality and price of food at international locations – and I've been everywhere from Bali to Spain, London to Paris, Australia to Canada – are generally far more tolerable). I think I've had two good meals at the airport in my entire life. One of them was from Shake Shack – can't go wrong with a chain restaurant. The other was a bougie restaurant that was installed at the SFO airport that was closed promptly two years later. No shock there. It seems there's an endless supply of $6 water bottles, microwaved pizza, burnt bagel halves in one of those toasters that hotels have where the inner conveyor belt just keeps running, and the bagels just drop off at the other end, iceberg lettuce, and 7/11 style ham and cheese sandwiches that have been sitting tin the partially refrigerated section of a Hudson News for god knows how long. And the last thing I want to do is pay $20 for any of it.

On a similar subject, I have a major pet peeve when people bring their nasty ass, smelly, unrefrigerated food on the flight. The smell of that subway sandwich will never leave the plane, simply for the fumes to circle back into all of our noses in an unescapable (and fully insufferable) fashion. You really couldn't have eaten it before you got on the plane? And it's never on long or overnight flights either – which often provide you with food anyway when it gets to be that long. This also particularly bothered me at the height of COVID, when everyone would just feel a lot better if you didn't put everyone around you through your foul food experience with your mouth germs just flying around everywhere. And once you bring that sandwich on, you can't take it back. Be prepared to smell it for the next six hours.

This is a pet peeve, but it's a more understandable one than the others I've mentioned. This also mostly applies to late night or red eye flights, especially when I have to adjust time zones such as when I go to Europe. The airplane folks finish their safety presentations and turn off the lights so everyone can go t sleep or be quiet. Now, I don't mind if you're still awake and you want to watch some TV. I can't hear it and the light from the screen is generally not strong enough to be an issue. What is a light issue is when someone turns on their overhead light to read a book or work on a computer – because it affects the other people in your row. I fully had on an eye mask, noise cancelling headphones, and was ready to get some already mediocre plane sleep. My eye mask darkness is then disturbed by someone who just has to use the overhead light. It's 1:30 am!! I'm not saying you have to fall asleep, but have some courtesy at later hours - I'm begging you.

Similar to overcrowding the gate area, I have an issue with folks overcrowding the baggage claim area and blocking the line of vision to crowd right around the conveyor belt – especially if you're tall and don't let shorter people in front of you. First of all, you're gonna get your suitcase. They aren't going to confiscate any suitcases that are unclaimed. There's no reason to create a damn wall with your body just so that you can grab your suitcase 3 seconds faster. The biggest reason why this bothers me, in addition to me being small and not being able to see well when this happens, is because when my suitcase does come, I have to push through a wall of people standing idly, blocking the way, just so that I can grab it in time before the conveyor belt moves it away. I can't just follow it down the conveyor belt, either, because the wall of people created around it prevents you from doing that. Just stand like five feet back. You can still see your suitcase that way. I promise. And let the short people in front.

And lastly, anyone who takes off their socks or shoes on the airplane. That is truly benevolent behavior. We know those stinky toes have been crammed up in those sweaty shoes for hours without a shower. I know it's more comfortable, but to be honest, being on a plane is never really gonna be made comfortable unless you're in one of those sleeper cabin things that costs $3,000 a pop. No one wants to smell your stinky feet. It's for the greater good. OK?!

Hope you enjoyed this post, related to it a bit, and let me know in the comments if you have any I may have missed. Until next week…!